..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
