I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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