bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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