Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
