does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
