Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
