we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
