So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
