I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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