I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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