Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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