i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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