the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
