I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize