A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
high people should be assigned attendants
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
