Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
