thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
