Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
