You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
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