You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize