I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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