im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
