I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Houston, we have a squirter
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
