i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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