just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize