I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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