So drunk its hurt
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
When did angry sex become our thing?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
