God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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