I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
