Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
