so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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