your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
