ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
