i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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