it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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