my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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