Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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