You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
