Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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