I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
