I faked an abortion last night.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The power of my boobs compel you
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
