I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
