omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome