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I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
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