I love having hate sex.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED