everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...