I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.