Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!