Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
