If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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