a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm too high and old for this...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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