I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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