I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
