This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
