out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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