If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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