you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Will exercising make me less horny?
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