im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize