hotel room ftw
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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