I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
