Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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