So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
