But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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