he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
