3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
