Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
